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Groucho Marx Quotes and Quotations


I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
There is one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says 'yes', you know he is crooked.
- Groucho Marx | Honesty Quotes
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
- Groucho Marx | Marriage Quotes
Since my little daughter is only half Jewish, would it be alright if she went into the pool only up to her waist?
No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
- Groucho Marx | Quips and Comments Quotes
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
- Groucho Marx | Quips and Comments Quotes
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx | Companionship Quotes
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
- Groucho Marx | Companionship Quotes
Why, a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child.
- Groucho Marx | Family Quotes
It looks as if Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
- Groucho Marx | Cities and Travel Quotes
When I first came to this country, I didn't have a nickel in my pocket - now I have a nickel in my pocket.
- Groucho Marx | Cities and Travel Quotes
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
- Groucho Marx | Love and Marriage Quotes
I've had a wonderful evening . . . but this wasn't it.


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We are always paid for our suspicion by finding what we suspect.
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