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Before you contradict an old man, my fair friend, you should endeavour to understand him.

- George Santayana

Keep your promises to yourself.

- David Harold Fink

Being of sound mind, I spent every cent I ever had.

- Anonymous

To see her is to love her, And love but her forever; For Nature made her what she is, And never made another.

- Robert Burns

When I was preparing for this speech I asked my family for advice. One member replied, "There's a first time for everything, so try to be funny and brief."

- Anonymous

There is nothing the body suffers which the soul may not profit by.

- George Meredith

Politics is but the common pulsebeat, of which revolution is the feverspasm.

- Wendell Phillips

In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is. This is what makes America what it is.

- Gertrude Stein

Ethical man - a Christian holding four aces.

- Mark Twain

If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart.

- Socrates

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.

- Dorothy Parker

It has been more wittily than charitably said that hell is paved with good intentions. They have their place in heaven also.

- Robert Southey

All prosperity begins in the mind and is dependent only upon the full use of our creative imagination.

- Ruth Ross

Chance usually favors the prudent man.

- Joseph Joubert

Flaubert had infinite correction to perform.

- Roland Barthes

Unshared joy is an unlighted candle.

- Spanish proverb

The historian looks backward. In the end he also believes backward.

- Friedrich Nietzsche

It seems to me we can never give up longing and wishing while we are alive. There are certain things we feel to be beautiful and good, and we must hunger for them.

- George Eliot

He's so old his social security number is two digits.

- Brian Morgan

I was the best man at the wedding. So why is she marrying him?

- Jerry Seinfeld