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Joan Rivers Quotes and Quotations


We Can't Afford to Doubt Ourselves I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door-or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.
- Joan Rivers | Self-Confidence Quotes
I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into myself for material.
- Joan Rivers | Self-Confidence Quotes
Looking fifty is great - if you're sixty.
- Joan Rivers | Birthdays and Age Quotes
I hate Billings, Montana. They have a fashion show at Sears Roebuck - no models. You open a catalog and point.
- Joan Rivers | Cities and Travel Quotes
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late, and, thanks to television, you can shop in bed.
- Joan Rivers | Cities and Travel Quotes
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again.
- Joan Rivers | Family Quotes
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
- Joan Rivers | Health Quotes
He loves to eat - he puts mayonnaise on an aspirin.
- Joan Rivers | Insults Quotes
I take him to McDonald's just to watch him eat and see the numbers change.
- Joan Rivers | Insults Quotes
He has more chins than a Chinese phone book.
- Joan Rivers | Looks Quotes
It's been so long since I made love I can't even remember who gets tied up.
- Joan Rivers | Sex Quotes


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