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Insults Quotes and Quotations


I'll give you an idea of what kind of a guy he was. St. Francis would have punched him in the mouth.
He loves to eat - he puts mayonnaise on an aspirin.
Apparently, he was not the sharpest quill on the porcupine, if you get my drift.
You might say he was one taco short of a combination platter.
I can't believe that out of a hundred thousand sperm, you were the quickest.
Cheap? If he was at the Last Supper, he would have asked for separate checks!
I've just learned about his illness; let's hope it's nothing trivial.
Why does our host always have tears in his eyes after sex? Due to the pepper spray.
I take him to McDonald's just to watch him eat and see the numbers change.
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man. But then he has much to be modest about.
After a year of therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, "Maybe life isn't for everyone."
The only way she could get a standing ovation would be if she sang "The Star-Spangled Banner."
His voice is to entertainment what the kazoo is to classical music.
Some people can carry a tune, but they seem to stagger under the load.
Every word she writes is a lie, including and and the.
When she told her doctor that she always wanted to keep her weight exactly the same as her IQ, he gave her a lecture on anorexia.
I hope you live to be as old as your jokes.
If he can remember so many jokes With all the details that mold them, Why can't he recall, with equal skill, All the times he told them!
I just thought you might like to know that I passed a kennel on the way to the game and your mother is all right.


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