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Woody Allen
Woody Allen
(1935 - Present)
American film director, actor, musician and writer.
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Woody Allen Quotes and Quotations


Some guy hit my fender the other day, and I said unto him, "Be fruitful, and multiply." But not in those words.
Showing up is eighty percent of life.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
- Woody Allen | Death and Dying Quotes
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen | Death and Dying Quotes
How to make God laugh. Tell him your future plans.
- Woody Allen | God Quotes
The worst that you can say about him (God) is that basically he's an underachiever.
- Woody Allen | God Quotes
I am going to give my psychoanalyst one more year, then I'm going to Lourdes.
- Woody Allen | Psychiatry Quotes
Those modern analysts, they charge so much! In my day, for five marks Freud himself would treat you. For ten marks he would treat you and press your pants. For fifteen marks Freud would let you treat him - that included a choice of any two vegetables.
- Woody Allen | Psychiatry Quotes
Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.
- Woody Allen | Sex Quotes
The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have.
- Woody Allen | Forgiveness Quotes
If I had my life to live over, I wish I could be a great pianist or something.
- Woody Allen | Other Side Quotes
Showing up is 80 percent of life.
- Woody Allen | One Day Quotes
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
- Woody Allen | Getting Going Quotes
If you're not failing, you're not trying anything.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
- Woody Allen | Beginnings Quotes
I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.
- Woody Allen | Companionship Quotes
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
- Woody Allen | Passion Quotes
I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend.
- Woody Allen | Spirituality Quotes
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
- Woody Allen | Spirituality Quotes
You can live to be a hundred, if you give up all the things that make you want to live to a hundred.
- Woody Allen | Birthdays and Age Quotes
I'm at the stage of life when if a girl says no to me I'm profoundly grateful to her.
- Woody Allen | Birthdays and Age Quotes
I'm not the heroic type, really. I was beaten up by Quakers.
- Woody Allen | Character Quotes
I feel about New York as a child whose father is a bank robber. Not perfect, but I still love him.
- Woody Allen | Cities and Travel Quotes
The best thing to do is to behave in a manner befitting one's age. If you are sixteen and under, try not to go bald.
- Woody Allen | Family Quotes
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying.
- Woody Allen | Life and Death Quotes
Ninety percent of living is just showing up.
- Woody Allen | Life and Death Quotes
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
- Woody Allen | Life and Death Quotes
I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen | Life and Death Quotes
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
- Woody Allen | Life and Death Quotes
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have you declared legally insane in order to gain control of your estate.
- Woody Allen | Money Quotes
If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
- Woody Allen | Religion Quotes
You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.
- Woody Allen | Religion Quotes
If I could only see one miracle, just one miracle. Like a burning bush, or the seas part, or my uncle Sasha pick up a check.
- Woody Allen | Religion Quotes
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
- Woody Allen | Sex Quotes
If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips.
- Woody Allen | Sex Quotes
You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.
- Woody Allen | Humorous Quotes
Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.
- Woody Allen | Witty Quotes
You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.
- Woody Allen | Humorous Quotes
Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.
- Woody Allen | Witty Quotes
You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.
- Woody Allen | Humorous Quotes
Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.
- Woody Allen | Witty Quotes
You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.
- Woody Allen | Humorous Quotes
Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.
- Woody Allen | Witty Quotes
You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.
- Woody Allen | Humorous Quotes
Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.
- Woody Allen | Witty Quotes
You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.
- Woody Allen | Humorous Quotes
Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.
- Woody Allen | Witty Quotes
You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.
- Woody Allen | Humorous Quotes
Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.
- Woody Allen | Witty Quotes
You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.
- Woody Allen | Humorous Quotes
Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.
- Woody Allen | Witty Quotes


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