Popular Quotes

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it's the parts that I do understand. - Mark Twain The language of friendship is not words, but meanings. - Henry David Thoreau In Heaven, all the interesting people are missing. - Friedrich Nietzsche My words fly up, my thoughts remain below; Words without thoughts never to heaven go. - William Shakespeare If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. - Mother Teresa We are always paid for our suspicion by finding what we suspect. - Henry David Thoreau

I envy people who drink—at least they know what to blame everything on.

- Oscar Levant

I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn't pronounce it.

- Anonymous

They say hot dogs can kill you. How do you know it's not the bun?

- Jay Leno

Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.

- Anonymous

According to my doctor it's okay to drink like a fish—as long as I drink what the fish drinks.

- Anonymous

I find the more I drink the more interesting others become.

- Tom Ralphs

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day.

- Dean Martin

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake—which I also keep handy.

- W. C. Fields

Everybody should believe in something; I believe I'll have another drink.

- Anonymous

Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.

- Robert Benchley

I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.

- Joe E. Lewis

An alcoholic has been lightly defined as a man who drinks more than his own doctor.

- Alvan L. Barach

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

- Dean Martin

Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses.

- Anonymous

Most people hate the taste of beer to begin with. It is, however, a prejudice that many people have been able to overcome.

- Winston Churchill

Let us eat and drink: for tomorrow we diet.

- Wendy Morgan

He who laughs, lasts.

- Mary Poole

I exercise self-control and never touch any beverage stronger than gin before breakfast.

- W. C. Fields

For him, any wine dated before four o'clock in the afternoon is vintage.

- Elmer Pasta

I'm not much of a drinker. It only takes me one drink to get drunk . . . my fourth.

- Wendy Morgan

It was a woman who drove me to drink— and you know, I never even thanked her.

- W. C. Fields

Once during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

- W. C. Fields

There is nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation.

- John Ciardi

I started smoking to lose weight. After I dropped that lung I felt pretty good.

- Michael Meehan

You can tell German wine from vinegar ... by the label.

- Mark Twain

Let's toast a real wine expert—someone who knows a good rose goes best with bologna sandwiches.

- Elmer Pasta

I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.

- Mark Twain

I've noticed the customers in health food stores. They are pale, skinny people who usually look half dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific.

- Bill Cosby

I'm a one-drink woman, two at the most, three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host.

- Anonymous

Is life worth living? That depends on the liver.

- Anonymous

I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.

- George Gobel