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Vices and Foibles Quotes and Quotations

He could sell the Pope on financing a Mormon tabernacle.
Some people see the cup as half empty. Some people see the cup as half full. I see the cup as too large.
My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Just wait."
I believe in practicing prudence, at least once every two or three years.
I don't believe in astrology - of course, that's very typical of Leos.
Being popular is important. Otherwise, people might not like you.
The rich can be "eccentric," the poor have to be considered "nuts."
If I only had a little humility, I'd be perfect.
The ability to sin differs among people. For example, a short-armed fisherman isn't as big a liar as a long-armed one.
I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.
You can't act like a skunk without someone's getting wind of it.
I don't gamble. I invest with a risk.
At home I am a nice guy, but I don't want the world to know. Humble people, I've found, don't go very far.
I never gossip, but I can give you the names of certain people who do.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
He talks at the drop of a pause.
Deep down I'm really shallow.
No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have - and I think he's a dirty little beast.
Everyone is ignorant, only on different subjects.
What a pity human beings can't exchange problems. Everyone knows exactly how to solve the other fellow's.
She realizes she doesn't know as much as God but feels she knows as much as God knew when he was her age.
The worst thing about a bore is not that he won't stop talking but that he won't let you stop listening.
Horse sense is what keeps horses from betting on what people will do.
I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
When compelled to cook, I produce a meal that would make a sword swallower gag.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
It gives me great strength to know that half the people I meet are below average.
I was once thrown out of a mental hospital for depressing other patients.
We'd all like a reputation for generosity, and we'd all like to buy it cheap.
I may have faults, but being wrong ain't one of them.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No bablo ingles."
I'm not at all stuck up . . . although, judging from those around me, I have every right to be.
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
I've got nothing against girls in tight sweaters - darn it!
Let's just say, he has too many pigeons on his antenna.
I have my standards. They may be low, but I have them.
She's not moody. She's just known for her versatility of emotions.
Yesterday was the first day of the rest of your life . . . and you messed it up again.
Show me someone who never gossips, and I'll show you someone who isn't interested in people.
I always read the last page of a book first, so that if I die before I finish I'll know how it turned out.
Well-adjusted means you can make the same mistakes over and over again, and keep smiling.
When someone sings his own praises, he always gets the tune too high.
Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.
I have too much respect for the truth to drag it out on every trifling occasion.
Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone.

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I can't believe that God plays dice with the universe.
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